i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
