I'm gonna have a badass scar
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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