My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
