you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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