dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
