HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize