I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
