he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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