I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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