just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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