I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
