All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
MIDGETS
????
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
