Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
