whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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