things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
