Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
