nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
