I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
