first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
