I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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