I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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