somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
