I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize