There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
bring money and cleavage
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
