Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
