Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
