He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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