My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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