you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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