If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
