i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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