READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
