RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
