I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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