Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
