Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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