Have you finally orgasmed yet?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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