so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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