It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
