He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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