found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I understand Curling. That high.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
