god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
