hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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