Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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