i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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