I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
