I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
