I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize