Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
