he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this will be a night to untag.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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