Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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