did you get engaged???
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
