I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
