I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Green mimosas i think yes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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