I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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