Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
