well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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