She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize