PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
two words...techno handjob
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
