yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
