nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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