So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
