i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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