My ATM looks so different sober.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
