Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
