I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
