My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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