I faked an abortion last night.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
