is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The struggles of a small town man whore
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