I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
why is half of my head shaved?
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