I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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