"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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