I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
