this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
