If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
