TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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