I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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