I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize