You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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