my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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