did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
